How to Communicate Basically Brilliantly With Patients
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Or it might have been a delusion if the staff member was correct. I was full of rage and hatred at this strange animal presence I felt within her.
The episode in front of the plastic curtain-delusions supplemented with hyperventilation. Part way through the evening one of the patients I had befriended came up to me in a very agitated manner and I immediately was defensive. Name changed -eds. And I knew he was ok. Then he asked me a very bizarre question.
This seemed like a reasonable request so we went up to his room and there were blood stains i. So I went into the shower room and got shampoo to try to clean up the rug without much success-the stains had really set. Then I went into his closet and put my shoulder against the rod, which was square shaped and hollow and forced it back into place.
One of the things that bothered me was it looked like a murder scene, not a suicide. Instead, the rod was bent at a degree angle. How is this consistent with suicide? I informed the Albany police that it looked like murder, but I was ignored. I was not exercising and I was not gaining weight. I must assume that my brain was consuming as many calories as a full-grown man would consume for his entire body. This was even when I was typing 10—12 hours a day. The staff got me a typewriter and I typed a page magnum opus on geology.
He suggested I submit it in pieces because he acknowledged that he had difficulty getting his major works published. Just before I was discharged from CDPC, I appeared in front of a panel of psychiatrists to determine if I was suitable to be discharged. There was a classic exchange between one of the psychiatrists and me. Later I learned that there had been a real battle between caseworkers and this psychiatrist. They wanted me to be classified as bipolar and he wanted to classify me as schizophrenic.
I am thankful that the caseworkers prevailed. How do you define modesty? My trip home was uneventful and I settled into a routine, but then something terrible happened.
I descended into a pit of unimaginable evil. Out of nowhere, I experienced a level of evil and perversity that defies the imagination. It was on a par with having the top of my head cut off with a hacksaw and having someone pour in a bucket of raw sewage. Which gets back to CDPC. Remember that time in front of the vinyl curtain when I summoned Satan through the wall of time into me. I had summoned Satan through the wall of time and he entered me or so it seemed at the time.
But I suffered no ill effects at the time. We have been led to believe in the age-old debate-heredity versus the environment. What if this is too simplistic? Suppose there is an even more important source of input-spirituality? Is our spiritual component just as important as our heredity and the environment? In my case it was uncontrollable spirituality that led me to melt down and need help.
Later it was negative spirituality that caused me to descend into evil. One thing is clear: 1 Nothing in my genetic makeup correlates with the evil I experienced, 2 Nothing in the environment correlates with the evil. So where did it originate? I can remember how this episode started, but I cannot remember how it ended.
Intensive care: Patients' experiences
I do remember standing in front of a mirror in the bathroom and seeing this hideous face staring at me from the mirror. It so traumatized me that I shaved my beard the next day. Nothing lie this phase of evil has ever happened to me before or since. Since then I have been institutionalised twice, but the stays were unremarkable compared to the first episode. Initially, I fought the medication after the first episode I was hooked on the mania ; but I think the evil episode may have shepherded me into treatment. I have been on lithium therapy for 25 years and have had episodes about 10 years apart.
Prior to the second episode, I was screwing up my meds because no one gave me a pill dispenser so I could keep track of my meds. I was under-dosing and over-dosing myself periodically. Before my third episode, I had stopped taking one of my meds about three months before my episode. This is part four of my narrative. Twice I went swimming in degree water fully clothed because my demons were out of control. Then I learned that cold water is a primitive form of shock therapy.
When I got out, a warm shower allowed me to return to normalcy, at least for an hour or so and then the demons reappeared. One of the characteristics of the delusional phases is that I looked for signs, omens and portents in everything. For example, when I had delusions of being very important, I ordered God to destroy the house above ours with a tornado. Get it out now! A few years later I moved into a house that had been hit by a tornado!
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I got nitrous oxide and bam! Suddenly I was in the middle of a battle with Satan. It went away as soon as I got off the nitrous oxide. Next time I went to the dentist and again got nitrous oxide and a second time I became delusional.